Traffic Rant

Ok. There's been so much traffic junk through the holiday season that I just can't help but list some more of my top peeves. So, let's get ready to rumble baby...

1. Those people that think it's cooler to back your behemoth vehicle into a space instead of just parking like normal people. You edge back and forth and back and forth to try to get in there...and when I come out of the store I just happen to be the poor guy you chose to park next to AND you are still all crooked and way over the line and I STILL CAN'T GET IN MY CAR even after all that nudging you did. JUST PARK LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE PLEEEEZE.

2. Dear Mr. 16 year old who thinks the goal of those yellow 2 foot bumps in the middle of the movie theatre parking lot are there in order for you to see how quickly you can get from one bump to the next in your daddy's big truck so you can show everyone in the parking lot how "tight" your daddy's new ride is, PLEEZE STOP. If you run over my kid, life will never be the same for you.

3. To the person who comes up out of nowhere going 80 miles an hour in the 35 zone near my house...and then has the nerve to get 2 feet from my bumper and flash your lights like I should pull over or something: If you are in an emergency...put on your hazzard lights. If you are not in an emergency...BACK OFF. If I had a badge...you'd be in jail already. Put your cell phone down and quit trying to text your boyfriend while cussing me out and driving like a maniac. That movie, "Need For Speed"??? It was all done on closed courses with professional drivers. Just because you've spent your life playing hours and hours of the video game version doesn't mean that you won't end up killing yourself or someone else by driving like that.

4. Dear Mrs. Old Lady...Please let someone else drive you to the post office. And please let them pump your gas for you. And please turn off your blinker...it's been on for 15 minutes now. I'm sure you don't know how to use all those fancy knobs on the side of your big Lincoln...but one of them will actually move you up a little higher and back a litte bit from your big steering wheel that you can't seem to see past. I really do love and care for you Mrs. Old Lady...I really do. That's why I'm beggin you to let someone else drive you. I know the parking lot and the entrance road to Target is confusing...but if it freaks you out a little too much...maybe it's time to park the big Lincoln. I'd be glad to carry you around like Miss Daisy if you want to park the Lincoln at my place. Just pleeze...for the sake of all sanity...MOVE.

5. To all the people who sit there for 15 minutes waiting while someone loads up their 6 kids...2 of them in carseats...all their bags...and checks their makeup in the mirror...then calls a friend on the cell phone before they back out... give the rest of us a break. You are holding up the entire parking lot's natural flow. You are like a big block of cheese to the digestive system of the parking lot. I promise it won't kill you to walk just a little.

6. Hey lady...yeah you. The one who's decided to call your friend on the cell phone right after loading your 6 kids, etc. into the car. The one who just HAD to make sure her makeup was just right in case someone sees you behind that cell phone at the next red light. MOVE IT. That parking space is not like real estate or something. The whole parking lot is about to start cramping if you don't move it.

Isn't funny how we get all worked up in traffic? I try and try to be patient...I really do. But during this recent holiday season I was more impatient with other people and less tolerable of their offenses than ever. I didn't run off and hit anybody or anything like that. But I sure wasn't in a happy mood about it.

God's still digging that junk out of me. Traffic has been the tool of late. Can you tell?

Later,
Johnny